What is your most self-destructive habit

Building a Happy Life: Five Ways to Change Your Self-Destructive Habits

Learning - we all do that. We learn countless ways every day. And as our lives march down the street, various behaviors, some forming habits (or automatic responses) develop. Any single situation can provoke a multitude of reactions. sometimes these reactions begin to sabotage our happiness. We seldom think much about our learning history and it starts to control us without our realizing it. When we develop self-destructive habits, these patterns can affect our chances of living full lives. When we do harmful things repeatedly, most of us ask, "Why do I keep doing things that are so self-defeating?" The answer is ... because we've learned to react that way. Unfortunately, we only think of the “why” after a self-defeat, not before. To change sabotage habits, we need to think about it before we sabotage ourselves.

Hot experiences and learning

To understand how strong unhealthy habits are, we first need to know how strong our feelings were when we were learning them. Emotions are built-in warning systems. Emotions are often most pronounced when we are warned of potential risks and threats. A real, or presentedRisk can easily provoke strong, painful emotions and overwhelm us with stress or anxiety, sometimes beyond our ability to deal with well. Psychologists call such a strong reaction “dysregulation of emotions”. And ... these feelings heat up learning. Hot experiences increase the chances of a habit (even one that defeats itself). The sabotage reactions initially only occur when the situations are very similar to the original events. As habits develop, we find ways to escape or avoid memories, and we learn a new, self-defeating habit: isolation. Our hope of avoiding painful memories distances us from fun experiences and the warmth of closeness to others.



The annoying problem of generalization

Once a habit is learned, it appears more and more. Situations similar to the original learning moment trigger the overwhelming feelings and the self-destructive habits that go with them. Even if we only expect to have these painful emotions, we react to avoid them. The extension of these habits beyond the original situation is called “generalizing learning”. When our past has too many negative experiences, we learn to generalize that most of life will hurt us. We see life as threatening and painful. Generalization can provoke irrational reactions when the real moment does not contain any real risks. We become victims of the pesky problem of generalization, which adds isolation in our lives.

Why these habits defeat us

Once the generalization spreads (like the roots of a weed), we react so automatically that we are self-sabotaging without understanding why. We feel angry, sad, afraid ... even when we know that the situation does not match our feelings. Usually, these well-oiled habits confuse our partners, friends, and co-workers. Others don't understand why we feel and react so strongly that they become alienated from us. Our habits push them away, and they like to leave - which leads to more isolation and loneliness. Eventually we get mad at ourselves. We feel doomed to repeatedly ruin our lives. Our story conquers us through these learned habits of avoidance, isolation, and risk aversion. We are sabotaging ourselves more and more.



Defying Self-Destructive Habits: Your New Future Story

Controlled by your self-destructive habits?

Write a plot twist: Think of your life as a book with pages written every day. If the story of your life has a self-destructive plot, you must first decide to change the "plot" of your life. Most of us are taught that past behaviors predict future actions, and often this is true. But in order to change self-destructive patterns, we must first believe that we can change those habits. A new life begins when we accept that we can control our reactions ...in the here and now. We have the ability to create a new plot of our future life.

Controlled by your self-destructive habits?

Know what is triggering your self-destructive reactions: We can change really unhealthy habits by revising our reactions. The change occurs when you know what triggers our sabotage patterns. By understanding these triggers, we create the conditions to create new, healthy habits. A great way to learn your triggers is to keep a journal of your self-destructive habits. The journal should contain a description of the main characteristics of the situation, your feelings and your behavior. The journal helps us understand when we are most likely to sabotage ourselves before we defeat ourselves, not after.

Control your triggers: To reshape our lives, we need to take control of who we expose ourselves to. When we are attracted to people who always seem to hurt us, we want to stay away from them. When we avoid social events with friends, we go out with those friends. The key to overcoming isolation and loneliness is to control who and what we let into our lives. We change when we manage our triggers and build healthy experiences into our lives.

Replace self-destructive habits: Old habits never just disappear, they can be replaced. In addition to controlling our triggers, we also benefit from incorporating healthy habits into life. Engaging in healthy situations naturally gives us rewarding experiences, and these rewards build strong, happy habits. When we feel old and overwhelming, we replace avoidance with skills to calm our emotions. We calm down and take responsibility for reactions - psychologists call this “emotional regulation. “Self-soothing can be as simple as taking a deep breath or focusing on our core. It can mean diverting our attention for a moment. And these new, calming habits get stronger when they work repeatedly. Healthy reactions lead to healthy habits.

never give up: If old habits strike back, don't be surprised. We will all take the risk of falling back into old patterns temporarily. The key to lasting change is keeping our minds in the present and in the next moment. We can control the now and the next moment - but not the past. We move forward into happiness by shifting our perspective to a here and now mindset of opportunity. The new perspective enables us to avoid self-criticism and write happier pages in our book of life.

The last word

Nobody chooses to self-sabotage. We have learned self-destructive habits and feelings from unfortunate pasts. In the present days of our lives we can change the effects of the past. We can build a new "future past" so that in a month or a year our lives will go in a better direction. Self-defeat ends when we teach ourselves to be happy.

resources

http://www.mindovermood.com/

http://www.feelinggood.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-leahy-phd/self-criticism_b_836161.html

http://www.apa.org/research/action/success.aspx

http://www.abct.org/SHBooks/