Would you make an appointment with an engineer
THE ULTIMATE TEST TO IDENTIFY AN ENGINEER
Engineers are so trendy right now that everyone wants to be one. The word
"Engineer" is widely abused. If there is someone around you who
Poses as one: Take the following 9-question test to get the
Find out the truth!
1. Problem solving
- You enter a room and see that a picture is hanging crooked. You ...
- A .... straighten it.
B .... ignore it.
C .... buy a CAD system and spend the next six months developing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame. In the meantime you often realize loudly and audibly that the inventor of the nail must have been a complete idiot.
The correct answer is ............. "C" !!! However, individual points can also be achieved
who scribbles "it depends" on the edge of the test or blames for
just blame "marketing" for all the nonsense.
2. Social intelligence
- Engineers pursue different goals with interpersonal communication.
- Stimulating conversation and food for thought
- Important social contacts
- A feeling of connectedness with other people
- Getting it over with as soon as possible.
- Avoid invitations to something unpleasant as much as possible.
- To demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
"Normal" people expect various unrealistic things from this:
In contrast to "normal" people, engineers pursue rational goals in interpersonal communication:
3. Fascination through technology
- For the engineer, the world is divided into two categories of things:
- A: things to fix, and
- B: Things that will need repairing once you have been playing with them for 2 minutes.
Engineers love to solve problems. If there are no problems at hand, create your own. Ordinary people don't understand this; they believe that nothing should be fixed that is not broken. Engineers believe that if it isn't broken, it doesn't have enough options. When looking at a television remote control, every engineer thinks about how to turn it into a stun gun. The engineer cannot take a shower without wondering whether a kind of Teflon coating could save the procedure. For the engineer, the world is a toy box full of cheap and suboptimal toys.
- Clothing is of secondary importance to the engineer. All that is required is that the minimum standards of temperature and decency be met. As long as no extremities freeze off or stick to each other and if no sexual organs or mammary glands are visibly dangling around, the purpose of the clothing is fulfilled. Anything beyond that would be a waste.
In some companies, however, there are strange occurrences to be observed: Just a moment ago all the engineers were out and about in T-shirts and baggy trousers. But shortly before the new customer arrives, everyone has disappeared. A short time later you suddenly see the poorest again: wedged in ill-fitting suits that smell of moth powder, they hope that the guest to be courted will soon disappear again and that they can indulge in their baggy look again before they are choked on their ties.
- Appointments are not easy for the engineer. A normal person uses all sorts of indirect and shady methods to achieve the appearance of attraction. Engineers, however, are not in a position to show more appearances than real ones. Fortunately, the engineers still have an ace up their sleeve. They are widely recognized as excellent marriage material: intelligent, dependable, secure, honest, and skillful in the house. While it is true that ordinary people would rather not date an engineer, most ordinary people have an intense desire to mate with them and produce engineer-like children who will be in high-paying jobs long before they lose their virginity . Male engineers reach their highest sexual attraction later than normal men, but become irresistible sexy magnets in their mid-thirties to late forties. Just consider the following examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
- Bill Gates.
- Gyro Gearloose.
Women engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain so until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. A little longer on warm days.
- Engineers are always honest about technical issues and human relationships. Therefore, one would do well to keep them away from customers, those who want to become one, acquaintances who are courted and other people who cannot stand the truth. Engineers sometimes twist the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies, but technically they aren't because nobody would believe them anyway. The full list of engineering lies follows:
- "I won't change anything without your consent."
- "I'll bring your hard-to-find cable back to you tomorrow."
- "I need new equipment to do my job."
- "I'm not jealous of your new computer."
- Engineers are known to be undemanding. Not because of greed, but because every spending situation represents an optimization problem for you, i.e. "How do I get out of here and keep as much money as possible?" This is of course completely twisted when it comes to expenditure in technical terms. Only the device that is at the cutting edge of technology at the time may be purchased, for example:
- 200Hz television,
- Hybrid cars over 150 hp,
- Kitchen machines only if they are infinitely variable, internet access
- and all available bells and whistles are included, etc.
8. Ability to concentrate
- If there is one most distinctive trait of an engineer, it is his ability to concentrate fully on one subject and forget about everything else around him. This can lead to an engineer being declared dead prematurely. Some funeral directors in high-tech regions have taken to verifying their clients' histories before handling a corpse. Anyone with a degree in electrical engineering, mechanical engineering, or computer programming experience is left in the lobby for a few days to see if they can come back to themselves.
9. Risk taking
- The engineer hates the risk. He tries to turn it off whenever possible. This is understandable, considering what the press does with every little mistake an engineer makes! And that with today's product liability laws.
- The airship Hindenburg,
- Space Shuttle Challenger,
- The Hubble Space Telescope,
- Apollo 13,
- The Titanic,
- Fiat Uno, ...
Examples of bad press about engineers:
To clarify: The risk / success assessment looks something like this for the engineer:
- RISK: Public humiliation, the deaths of thousands of innocent people and the refusal to pay for liability insurance.
SUCCESS: A certificate of appreciation in a nice plastic frame and the hope of a raise within the next 15 years.
Being practical, engineers weigh that balance and find that the risk is not a good one. The best way to avoid risk is to declare any activity technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain. If this is not enough to hold up the project, the engineer relies on his second line of defense: "It would be technically possible, but it is far too expensive."
- Two things are important to an engineer's self-esteem:
- A: How smart he is.
- B: How many great devices he owns.
The quickest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare the problem unsolvable. No engineer can leave an unsolvable problem before he has solved it. No illness or distraction will dissuade the engineer from doing this. This type of challenge quickly becomes personal - a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature. The engineer can go for days without food and hygiene if he has clung to a problem. (Sometimes he just forgets.) And then when he succeeds, he experiences increases in self-esteem that exceeds even sex - including the kind of sex that involves other people. Nothing threatens the engineer more than the assumption that someone else has more technical skills than he does. Ordinary people sometimes use this knowledge as the lever they can use to squeeze more work out of the engineer. When an engineer says something is impossible (by which he actually means it's no fun to do), smart ordinary people look at him with pity and say something like, "I'll ask Willi to look into it. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems. " At this point it is important not to stand in the way between the engineer and the problem. Because the engineer will pounce on the problem like a hungry dachshund on a knuckle of pork!
- Do more than 6 points agree with the alleged engineer's way of life?
Congratulations! You have a real engineer in front of you! The best thing to do is to hire him immediately, because such a display of motivation and thirst for knowledge should not be missed! If you have a few more criticisms of him then your best bet is to send him to a psychiatrist or just don't take it that hard!
- ... I would first check the mental state of the person. Possibly you have an engineer in front of you who has lost the pleasure of being an engineer due to a severe blow of fate. Perhaps all of his suggestions fell on deaf ears with his former boss, because of alleged impracticability, because of excessive costs or because "We don't want to improve the whole world at once!". Heads up! If you give him a little courage and slowly feed him back up, he can become a very useful engineer again.
- Forget it! This person has no interest in technology. He has never felt the passion that engulfs the engineer when he has dogged himself into a problem, has never experienced the satisfaction of having successfully completed a project, never paused for hours over a construction in order to finish it in accordance with the drawing and production put. He will never become a real engineer.
The best thing to do is to put it in the marketing department ;-) or send it to politics!
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