When do narcissists leave you

6 facts about breaking up with a narcissist

In her new book, psychologist Karyl McBride describes why separating people with narcissistic traits is so difficult.

on September 15, 2015, 11.30 a.m.

Life with a narcissist is tough - but the breakup is even tougher. This is what the psychologist Dr. Karyl McBride, who has years of experience treating families whose lives have been influenced by narcissists, in her new book, “Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family ”. Many people develop narcissistic traits over the course of their lives, but “real” narcissists are less common. It affects about eight percent of all men and 5 percent of all women.

With her book, the family therapist provides guidelines on how people can get out of narcissistic relationships. In it, she answers the most important questions about narcissism itself, why a divorce from a narcissist is not easy and why a long legal battle is a welcome playground for narcissists. A narcissist causes even more chaos in the divorce process, according to the expert. This process can be traumatizing, especially for children. It is all the more important that children get out of here safely.

The book is divided into three sections - "Recognizing the Problem", "Breaking Out" and "Healing". We have summarized the most important points:

1: what is narcissism anyway?

Narcissists are often described as busy people and boasters who are only concerned with themselves. If someone is boastful and talks a lot about himself, that is not yet harmful for his fellow men. But if you are dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder, it is someone who cannot show empathy, who cannot empathize with their partners or children. Often, narcissists come into a relationship with a charming and very seductive way, so the beginning can be very nice, says the expert. But soon the wind turns and the relationship ends in an emotional war of roses. Why? As mentioned earlier, narcissists lack compassion, seeing themselves as not responsible for their behavior. They create their world in such a way that it revolves around them. They take advantage of others in order to benefit from them for themselves. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you ultimately discover that you are only there to serve the other.

2: Why Is It So Hard To Break Up With A Narcissist?

When people are in a relationship with a real narcissist, or even with people who have many narcissistic traits, it can be a traumatic experience for them and their children. Then when they decide to divorce or split up, it becomes an even bigger nightmare. Lawyers, therapists, judges, and long hours of struggle follow. Divorcing a narcissist is not going to be "normal" because you will never get over it. They seek revenge - and they can act it out in court.

3: Is there help for people with narcissistic traits?

The more narcissistic traits a person has, the more problems they have in relationships and as a parent. In order to help someone with narcissistic traits, it is necessary for them to reflect on their own behavior. People with narcissistic personality disorder do not seek help because they are often not self-reflective and do not even know their own feelings. Instead, they blame others.

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4: How can I prevent myself from slipping into a relationship like this?

Dr. McBride has put together a few questions that can help become more aware of whether or not the partner has narcissistic traits. In general, according to McBride, it is difficult to recognize this at the beginning, because the character traits usually only show up later. Yet one can ask oneself: does this person really want to get to know you as a person? Does she really want to be involved in your life and activities - in your friends and family? Or is it just about them and their world?

5: how does a narcissist feel after a divorce?

He can't get over it, says the expert. Other people are hurt and angry - but they get on with their lives and forget about it. However, narcissists will always go on to blame their partner for wanting to harm them. They do this in long and arduous divorce proceedings that cost a lot of money.

6: What other consequences does this have?

The family therapist is primarily concerned with the well-being of the children. “Even with a normal divorce, children go through an awful lot. With such divorces, the separation becomes the focus of their lives, whether they like it or not, ”said the expert. That has dramatic consequences for the children. The decision to separate from the partner is usually made because you can see that the relationship is harming the child. Above all, it is important to seek therapists and help before separating.