How can I experience my true self

The real you: how and where you can find it safely

If you google "real me", it comes up with some strange test pages. But for whatever reason, you ended up on my side, not there.

I'm happy about that.

Maybe you clicked on this page to find out what your personality is like.

Do you want to know:

  • Are you an extrover or an introver?
  • Shy or open?
  • Or what you really want to do in life, what you are here for?

I will answer all of these questions for you on this page. At the same time, I also hope that you would like to examine the whole topic a little deeper.

Because in this article I will show you why you are always completely okay deep inside yourself, why you always feel safe and have a positive, loving view of yourself, other people and the world.

I will also show you why so few people even live from this place (and what you can do to avoid falling into the same trap and bringing more freedom into your life).

Because the more precisely we can see what the real us is, the happier we become and the more we can enjoy life relaxed, stress-free and in flux.

Table of Contents: This is what awaits you in this article

Why recognizing the real you leads to more harmony in life

The more we focus on what happens in life "us" relate, the more relevant it seems to us - and the more fear and insecurity we have to feel about life.

The more we realize that "we" do not have so much to do with what seems to burden us in life at the moment, the freer we become.

And maybe we will soon realize together that we are all much more powerful than we ever dared to dream :)

But one by one. At the end of the article, you will understand much more precisely how this is meant and how you can apply this to your very personal life.

So let's get started.

Why should I know who or what I am

So how do I find the real me?

I always find it very exciting when I have the first discussions with a new coachee.

Of course, he or she first tells a lot about "yourself".

This is a prerequisite for coaching and is exactly the right thing to do.

But sometimes I have to smile a little because I already know which question to ask next:

"You have spoken a lot about yourself now, but who is this me?"

Many coachees then start pondering a little. "Yeah right. Who am I actually? Oh, I don't really know. "

No wonder, hardly anyone knows it on a deep level and yet our most frequently used words are everything that has to do with “I”. "My, mine, me, me, ..."

Sometimes answers like:

"Well, I am my thoughts"


"I am a mixture of my thoughts, memories, my body and feelings."

Why we seem to have forgotten who we really are

The reason why so many people ponder forever about who they could be is precisely this: They ponder it and cannot recognize it in the head because of the noise.

When we are strongly identified with our personal thoughts, we do not see clearly (even if our thoughts want to click away from us).

We have thousands upon thousands of thoughts every day.

Thoughts about the world, about other people and about ourselves.

"I'm good at maths" is a thought about you, just like "I think I have to have more muscles for women to love me" one thought is about how the (women's) world works.

We believe many of these thoughts indiscriminately. That's because we've been thinking them so often and for so long.

You don't find the real you by thinking

Then the impression quickly arises that they are our Thoughts. It is also obvious, because at least it seems as if this is our inner voice up there. After all, it sounds like it is inside “our” body.

From all these thoughts your picture of you and the world will form over time.

At this point two questions arise:

  • How accurate is this picture of you?
  • How do you feel when you fully believe all of these thoughts?
  • Are you therefore the real you?

If we ask ourselves these questions, then we inevitably have to recognize:

This image cannot be very accurate because it changes over time. Or did you mean when you were 12 that you were the same person as you are at your current age?

Also, many people don't do too well with these thoughts.

Because their mental self-image is often rather negative.

But even if these daily, unconscious thoughts about us (and the world) do not lead to more well-being, we cling to them like Donald Trump to stupid political demands.

Why your self-image is not real (and therefore very superficial)

If we take a closer look, we see: The picture we have of ourselves is not real.

It's 100% made up - after all, it consists of thoughts (beliefs, memories, images) - and we did not consciously choose these thoughts.

They were apparent "at once" there without our having to do anything there.

Sometimes they are even there without our knowing that they are there.

For our everyday consciousness it makes a lot of sense to construct such a specific self-image. Because even if it is not always the most pleasant - it still allows us to get along quite well in the world.

  • We know our place in the group, mostly without having to fight big rank fights.
  • In addition, we “know” what we can and cannot trust ourselves.
  • We “know” how much money we “earn” and what professional challenges we are up to.

But in the end that doesn't change the fact that it's made up. We can theoretically change it at any moment.

There are people who have a formative reference experience in their life and at that moment let go of their belief, absolutely shy to be just goand from then on are no longer shy.

Are you that car A journey of discovery to the real you

Let's start exploring what you are not.

If I show you a car on the street and ask you: "Are you that car?"- then probably 99.999% of all people would join "No" reply.

If I asked the same question with a flower pot or the picture on the wall, I would expect a similar answer.

It's easy to understand and completely logical.

After all, these objects are there outside of "us" and we are apparently “in here” and look out - and see the car, the flower pot and the picture on the wall.

In addition, we have no control over these objects, we cannot deliberately influence what they do. You can't tell the picture: "Fall off the wall now".

I mean, you can already do that. Just it won't do that for you.

And we know that if we can perceive something, then we are not. This requires a perceiver and something that can be perceived.

1. Are you your body

The next question would be: Are you your body This is where things get a little more interesting.

Because we have a certain control over the body (but not 100% either).

We can decide to raise our left hand now, but not decide to sweat less or to stop digestion.

It also feels as if “we” are in the body (more precisely in the head) and are looking out.

But here, too, we can perceive the body, so in the end we cannot be this body either.

2. Are you your thoughts

Let's go a step further: Are we our thoughts? We have already discussed this question above. In most cases they get closer, more intimate and even closer to us "we ourselves" before than our body.

We have heard this voice up there so many times that it has the impression that it is our voice and also our thoughts.

  • But do you know what your next thought will be?
  • Can you control your thoughts permanently?

It's a bit like the body here.

You can now think “hello” in your head but you cannot permanently control your thoughts. In a careless moment, the old, negative thoughts come back into our consciousness.

So we cannot be our thoughts either, because nobody really knows which thoughts appear when in our perception (and where they come from).

In addition, just like the car, we can perceive the image and our body.

We hang on to: We are not our thoughts, we have them or at most perceive them.

If you want to learn more about the topic of “dealing with your thoughts”, then you can listen to my podcast series on the topic.

Or right here in the player:

What dreams tell us about who we really are

    Ok, on to the next step: Sleep. There is dreamless sleep and dreaming sleep. Much changes in dreams. You can be “someone else”, in funky places and equipped with superpowers that you would not otherwise have.

    But here, too, only what you perceive is exchanged.

    But what is actually going on in dreamless sleep?

    • Where are you?
    • Where is the world
    • Where else is there that you can perceive?

    This is where things get interesting. Because there is simply nothing left here.

    There doesn't seem to be any “I” anymore.

    Before, there was always something you can observe or perceive. That's all in dreamless sleep apparently completely gone.

    “You” are gone and completely unconscious.

    You cannot know what is going on “outside”, if there is still an outside at all.

    Maybe then the world will stop turning.

    The real you is pure awareness

    At least we can hold onto, “you” no longer exist in dreamless sleep. What's different here? Why can “you” see in all the other cases what “inside” and what “outside” seem to be and suddenly everything is gone?

    This is because your consciousness is apparently switched off here.

    What you really are is awareness.You are what all of this perceives here. You are the consciousness in which the car shows up and your thoughts, your body and your feelings appear in exactly the same awareness.

    Even when you feel completely calm and relaxed inside - there is always an awareness of what this calm or this “nothing” can perceive.

    The only thing that never changes is the perceiving

    Your consciousness is always there and it has always been there.

    It is the same awareness that at the age of four the shovel in the sandpit perceived that now also perceives your life experience with everything good, bad and successes and failures.

    That's you. That which perceives. That is why you are also “gone” when you are in a dreamless sleep. Because then, at least subjectively, there is nothing left that perceives.

    How the real us makes our lives easier

    So this is what you are. What can we do with it now?

    Good question.

    The most important realization is that we are not our thoughts and our feelings.

    Because many people are very strongly identified with it. They do not realize that they are just perceiving them. Instead, they think, thoughts, and feelingswould completely reflect reality.

    And when the thought comes up that we are not good enough, then we are so long really not well enough until we realize these thoughts.

    This creates a lot of suffering. Because we think these thoughts are true and have a lot to do with our lives and our well-being.

    But the more we realize that we only perceive the thoughts and feelings and that they do not say so much about reality, we mean it, we gain great freedom in life.

    • Suddenly things are no longer dangerousbut we recognize that our thoughts make them dangerous.
    • Then a feeling that we have avoided for years or that we had to suffer from for a long time is just a feeling that we perceive (and which has absolutely nothing to do with our fundamental wellbeing).

    When we realize that problems are actually not problems - they are just thinking about a situationthat we have a lot of faith in - then we are less and less stressed.

    Here you can find the real you.

    Knowing the real you through mindfulness

    Unfortunately, you cannot stop at this place.

    You can only experience yourself.

    Be mindful, be present, and be in the here and now as often as you can. Also, come back to this article a few times and read it again.

    Perhaps read it more with feeling than with mind.

    The more mindful you are, the more likely it is that all of the freedom comes into your life that comes with knowing who you are.

    But there is no guarantee. It's frustrating and at the same time really exciting. Because an infinite depth awaits you within you, which you can explore with curiosity.

    So you learn something about yourself every day and recognize yourself on a deeper level.

    Fortunately, it was all just a dream

    At some point it is like waking up from a dream and realizing “Man, luckily I only dreamed it”.

    I mean, in dreams, the dream also seems very real to us. We are afraid, run away or have interesting experiences.

    But the moment we wake up, it all seems irrelevant. From one second to the next. Isn't that exciting? What if this “waking” reality turned out to be just another dream in the end?

    That the dream consists of thoughts and feelings that we are strongly identified with instead of observing them?

    / 5 Comments / by Tim Hamer