How should you leave your complaining wife
How do narcissists deal with separation: attention, now it's getting serious!
What at first seemed like a perfect relationship from a Hollywood movie quickly turned into a nightmare.
Constant need for attention, control, manipulation, insults, finger pointing - the relationship with a narcissist is pure hell.
It took you a long time to realize that you are trapped in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic partner, but the most important thing is that you realized it and made the decision to leave and regain control of your own life .
You finally made up your mind to break up and get that bastard out of your life once and for all. And you did it! You packed your things and left him.
It's finally over ... but is that really it?
How do narcissists deal with breakups? Is hell over or has it just begun?
Breaking up with a narcissist can be more difficult than the toxic relationship itself. When you break up with someone, you go through some breakup phases, overcome lovesickness, and move on with your life.
But no narcissists ... When you break up with a narcissist, you hit them where it hurts the most: their ego!
Daffodils can't stand being abandoned and they want the ex-partner to know that. After a breakup, the narcissist is willing to do anything to make you feel bad and regret that you left him.
But why is it like that? How do narcissists deal with breakups?
When you've broken up with a narcissist, you need to be prepared for some of his tactics and you have to be very careful not to give in to his manipulative tricks.
Here you can find:
• Why is it so difficult for us to part with a narcissist?
• How do narcissists deal with breakups?
Why is it so difficult for us to part with a narcissist?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by an intense sense of grandiosity, a need for attention and confirmation, excessive self-love, and a lack of empathy.
In the beginning narcissists are very charming and positive, they conquer us with their charisma and you can quickly develop a bond with them. Only later do we discover their true colors and then it is difficult to deal with them.
Here are 6 things that all narcissists have in common.
Although you may be aware that you are in a relationship with a narcissist and that the relationship is bad for you, it is often very difficult to end such a relationship as narcissists use manipulative tricks and do whatever it takes to keep you in the relationship to keep.
One of the most common things they do is put the blame on their partner. This is due to the fact that narcissists have no sense of empathy and are unable to accept their own mistakes.
It is always someone else's fault and the narcissist is flawless. This is why the victim has self-doubt. A person who is in a relationship with a narcissist begins to doubt himself and his own choices.
The narcissist's partner tries to change to be the ideal partner for the narcissist, but fails because you will never be good enough for a narcissist.
Yet we still hold onto this toxic relationship. This is because we have, consciously or unconsciously, developed a certain emotional dependence on them and that was exactly the goal of the narcissist.
They destroy your confidence so much that you think no one will ever love you again, so you feed on the crumbs of love the narcissist gives you.
Learn what tricks narcissists use and how to best deal with them.
Even when you realize that it is time to break up with the narcissist and move on, you need to be aware that your fight is only just beginning because the narcissist will not let you go easily.
As difficult as it is to deal with a narcissist in a relationship, difficult, if not more difficult, it will be during a breakup. Especially when it comes to divorce or you have children together.
Courts, lawyers, divorce suits, therapists ... All of this can take months or even years and it is the most difficult for the children because they can feel all the consequences of the separation.
And the narcissist doesn't care. The narcissist just wants revenge ...
Some narcissists will do things where they cannot help themselves because of their Narcissistic Personality Disorder and others just to hurt their partner to make them regret the breakup.
Below are some of the most common things a narcissist does after a breakup.
How do narcissists deal with breakups?
1. The narcissist ignores the breakup
For a narcissist, the relationship isn't over until they say it. You can talk to him for days about how your relationship has stopped working and that it is best to end it, but he will remain deaf and dumb.
You feel like you're repeating the same thing over and over to him and getting the same answers or no reaction from him.
He may even leave the room in the middle of a conversation, believing that things will be the same when he returns.
A narcissist will only view your attempts to break up with them as hysteria and a passing phase and will not take you seriously. The worst part is that you start to doubt your own decisions.
In this way, the narcissist achieves that you are afraid of breaking up because you do not know how he will react, or that you will break up after all, but with a guilty conscience because you know that he has not consented to the breakup .
This thought will haunt you again and again and in this way the narcissist ensures that it will stay in your memory for a long time.
2. Charm offensive
Men with narcissistic traits appear very charming and friendly at first glance, until you get to know them better. This serves as a mask for them to put on their “victims” whom they will later manipulate.
You put this mask on even after the separation. They will be charming again and try every possible way to bring their ex-partner back.
If you've broken up with a narcissistic partner, don't be surprised if they knock on your door every day with a large bouquet of roses and sing an I'm sorry song under your window.
You will get the most beautiful compliments and declarations of love that you have never heard in your life.
These are also some of their narcissistic manipulative tricks that they use to convince their victims that the breakup wasn't a good decision.
He will tell you how much he misses you, how much he loves you, and how sad his life is without you, only to when you return to him, do the same things as before because narcissistic people don't change.
3. Emotional blackmail
There are also narcissists who try to get their victims back with their aggression, allegations and emotional blackmail.
All they really want is to have power over you and they believe they will get it through aggression and through threats or blackmail.
A narcissist will try in every possible way to make you feel guilty and guilty just to keep you with them.
I'll kill myself if you leave me - a typical manipulative sentence that you shouldn't fall for!
Even if you have children, he will try to manipulate you with the children's feelings.
Imagine what it would be like for her if you left me. The kids will hate you.
Some even go so far as to threaten their victims with beating or even killing them if they leave.
For this reason, many victims of narcissism are afraid to run away from this terror because they never know if the narcissist is really putting his threats into action or if he is just talking nonsense.
You can find out more about narcissistic anger here.
4. Distorted presentation of facts
Don't be surprised if one day your mutual friend calls you and asks if you really cheated on your ex-partner with your work colleague.
This is because the narcissist can completely skew the facts about your breakup.
Aside from blaming you for the breakup, he will talk badly of you and say a lot of untrue things about you and your relationship.
He is able to come up with so many lies just to put you in a bad light.
For him, that's the best revenge. In this way he will try to win over your mutual friends and get them all to his side.
Worst of all, there are people who will really believe him because a narcissist is able to fake so much, show false feelings, and get people to believe him.
If that happens, ignore it. You know what happened and who wants to believe him, let him believe the lies, at least then you will know who your real friends are and who are not.
There are also certain types of narcissists whose behavior is similar to that of psychopaths.
There's also a chance he'll stalk you on social media or in real life, call you all the time, text you, and even come to your house to see you.
This is already problematic behavior. An injured narcissist is the worst kind of narcissist. He can also ask people to inquire about you to find out all the details of your life.
Some go so far as to seek new girlfriends in the ex-partner's neighborhood or area just to make the other person feel bad.
At least that is how the narcissist imagines the situation in his head.
If the case is serious, you should report it to the police and get help from family and friends as soon as possible.
6. He will have fun
He will enjoy life to the fullest and have fun, but he will let you know that. He will go out, travel, exercise, devote himself to his career, nurture himself and maybe find a new girlfriend.
He will post all of this on his social networks and tell mutual friends about it, only to send you another signal that he was not the problem in the relationship, it was you.
In this way, he will also grab your attention and try to convince you that your life with him was perfect and that he is the perfect partner while you are the only one who knows who he really is.
If he sees that he is not causing you a reaction, he will tell you in parallel how you controlled him when you were still a couple, how lousy he was when he was with you.
Now he's struggling to get his life back to normal and take his mind off the terror you allegedly caused him. If that happens, it would be better to just ignore it.
7. He won't give you your things back
After a breakup, it's common to get your things back. Well, not in this case.
You have to wait a long time for this or just forego everything because your narcissistic ex-boyfriend will keep your things with him for as long as possible.
Not because he likes your things, but because he then has something that still binds him to you and he knows you will stay in touch with him until he gives it back to you, which is an additional opportunity for him to meet you manipulate to return to him.
If he owes you some money, for example for rent, maintenance and the like, he will refuse to repay you in order to make you dependent on himself in some way.
For example, if you have lived together and he has moved out, it is very likely that he will not want to return the keys to your shared apartment or house.
That way, he still has some "power" over you and is a part of your life.
Of course, in this case you cannot do without all your belongings and therefore you have to be ready for a violent fight, accusations and persuasion. You can change the lock at any time.
8. He will sue you
Divorce from a narcissist is the most difficult form of separation, and it's all just not peaceful and friendly.
Marriage is already a serious community in which two people mostly share everything, house, apartment, cars, children, etc.
If you're divorcing a narcissist, prepare for an unfair legal power struggle because they can sue you just to prove you shouldn't have left them.
He can take everything away from you and try to distort some things in his favor in court just to hurt you.
In this case, the most important thing is to keep a cool head and think rationally. If you let things like this get you off your feet, you won't be able to handle the whole divorce process.
You have to find good lawyers, consult with friends and family, and fight courageously and confidently.
9. He will manipulate the children
Children are a sore point for all parents, and we are all somehow weak towards children. You can destroy anything, but you can't hurt children.
Precisely because he knows that your children are the most important thing in the world for you, a narcissist can manipulate children in order to hurt you.
There are narcissists who want to take their children away from their mothers, there are also those who don't care about them at all, but sometimes get involved in parenting, school, activities and the like.
If you're divorced and have kids, your ex-husband may try to turn the kids against you and manipulate them into wanting to get away from you.
Since pretending is their thing, narcissists can easily take on the victim role and use the whole situation to their advantage, and if unsuccessful, their hatred of the mother spreads to the children as well.
Conclusion: The more of these behavior patterns he shows, the more problematic his behavior and the entire situation is. The advice I can give you is to IGNORE him as much as possible.
It means completely breaking contact and avoiding the places he goes and the people he meets.
If you need to keep in touch about the children, try to keep it to a minimum. In the whole situation it is important to keep a cool head and not allow yourself to be manipulated.
If you've already gathered enough courage and decided to break up, you are already halfway there and just need to hold your head up and not pay attention to his manipulative tricks so that you can start a new life.
Finally, read how to best punish a narcissist.
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